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In the day-to-day grind of parenting, it’s easy to fall into a default setting of just correcting our children when they mess up or when they become obnoxious to us. We might find ourselves repeating “Don’t do that,” 1000 times throughout the day. It can become discouraging, exhausting, and absolutely joyless.


A focus like this - on controlling behavior rather than teaching heartfelt obedience - can result in tension or antagonism in a family, instead of joy. A child may act out this antagonism by fighting for HIS way instead of doing what his parents want. Parents can fall into this trap as well - seeing their child as someone who will consistently seek his own way instead of theirs – and respond with their own ever-intensifying plans for victory.



A family in their living room with the daugter sitting on Dad's shoulders and Mom holding the daughter's hand and peeking around at Dad from behind


Where does this perception of antagonism come from? From reality! In truth, our sweet, precious, adorable children are incredibly self-centered. This should come as no surprise to us because we’re seeing in them the same self-centeredness that we see in ourselves. However, as parents, we get to teach and train them to a different way of thinking.


Our nature is to be self-centered. Phillipians 3:19 says “…their god is their belly, and they glory in their shame, with minds set on earthly things.” Even though that is our original nature - it’s not God’s plan for us to indulge this nature or to live captive to it. The truth is, we are not supposed to “just be who we were born to be," we are to BECOME who we were born AGAIN to be. That should be the foundation of all our instruction. Guiding the entire family into becoming what the Lord would have us be, through a new birth in Christ and the sanctification that comes as we walk intimately with him.


As we prayerfully teach our children - in the power of the Holy Spirit - the truth from Scripture, we work toward establishing a whole different view and culture within our home. Discipleship and instruction take precedence over rules and punishment.

Here’s something that’s key: with this type of teaching, not only WHAT we teach them but also the WAY we teach them is vital.


One approach parents may be tempted to use is the authoritarian or autocratic approach. This is characterized by

- a “do-it-or-else” communication style

- a priority of suppressing waywardness

- a focus on correcting bad behavior rather than training to righteousness

- a failure to provide the moral and practical reason behind instruction.


It’s also characterized by parents

- producing children who appear to be compliant on the outside but are not motivated

by an obedient heart on the inside

- failing to value the relationship building that can and should happen during both

discipleship and discipline

- parenting based on what’s convenient or desired by the parent rather than what is

good for the child.


The vast majority of parenting with the autocratic approach happens in moments of conflict, right in the heat of battle when a child has disobeyed. This is frustrating for both the parent and the child. The parent is frustrated that the child is failing to act according to the parent’s desires and expectations, and the child is frustrated because he’s being held to a standard to which he hasn’t been trained. He’s not sure what his parents’ expectations are or when he might be punished for violating them.


Col 3:20-21 makes God’s requirement of children clear: “Children, obey your parents.” It also makes His expectation of parents clear: “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, that they may not lose heart.”


We know from this Scripture that carelessly exasperating our children is an abuse of our God-given authority. The autocratic parenting approach tends toward this type of abuse.


To raise an obedient and God-honoring child, we must go far beyond instilling fear in them, giving orders, and administering discipline when we’re frustrated. We need to teach our children what to do (and not do) but also WHY they should or shouldn’t do something. It's helpful to remind YOURSELF and your children that real heart change is a work of GOD. And you are BOTH - parent and child - striving to be obedient to God’s instruction. Parents are striving to obey in how they train up their children as much as children should strive to obey the teaching that their parents are faithfully providing. The whole family is needing to set their minds on what honors God - not following the rules out of fear or rebelling out of selfishness (Romans 8:5-11).


We must prayerfully teach and train in a way that seeks to mold the heart and mind rather than just providing rules to be followed. And our training should be done in love, with a genuine desire to see our children thrive in every way.


This proactive, instructional approach sets them up for success in a variety of situations and equips them to live in wisdom.


There’s so much more we could say here, but that seems like enough food for thought for now! We’ll have Part 2 on this topic next time.


I encourage you to give thought and prayer to the idea of training to righteousness. Ask God to show you ways you might presently be leaning into the autocratic parenting style a bit and also to shine a light on opportunities to build relationships with your children and disciple them proactively (rather than just correcting them after the fact).


I’m praying for you, too! You are in the thick of some vital Kingdom work, and I imagine you feel the challenge of it. Praise God for his grace to us as parents and grace for our children. His love never fails, and in our weakness he is strong!


Xo,

Christie


If you would like support in intentionally discipling your children, check out our Parent's Discipleship Journal. It's a simple weekly guide for twelve months of prayer and discipleship of your children. There is space for you to write in the truth you are focused on with your child each week as well as the Scriptural foundation for the truth you are emphasizing. In the back of the journal, you’ll find a list of Guiding Scriptures to help direct your prayers and discipleship for each week. There are lots of other little guides and resources in there as well!

This topic is close to my heart because there's nothing our family enjoys together more than music. While there may be things I'd do differently if I could go back and raise my kids again, this is one thing I'm so thankful for - the family connection to music we established early on.


Even if your child doesn't become a professional musician or even learn to play an instrument, cultivating an appreciation for and enjoyment of music is so beneficial. Music has the power to enrich lives, boost creativity, positively impact mental health, and enhance cognitive development. Let’s explore some ways homeschooling families can cultivate a deep and lifelong appreciation for music in their children.



A girl seated, smiling, and playing the piano, a boy seated and playing the guitar, and a woman standing, smiling, and playing a ukulele



Create a Musical Environment


The first step in fostering a love for music is to make it an integral part of your home environment. Play music throughout the day, from classical compositions to contemporary tunes. Variety is key! Expose your children to a diverse range of genres, helping them develop a well-rounded musical taste. Be mindful of the lyrics in songs and the messages they carry. In our home, we focused on classical music, jazz and big band, contemporary worship music, a little bluegrass, and high-quality popular music with positive and age-appropriate messages. Our kids enjoyed it all!



Encourage Active Listening


Passive listening is a common habit, but active listening can deepen a child's connection to music. Discuss the music you play, ask questions, and encourage your children to express their thoughts and feelings about what they hear. Analyzing lyrics, melodies, and rhythms can spark engaging conversations and increase their appreciation for music's complexity. And there’s no better form of active music listening than movement! Enjoy moving together while music plays. One of our family favorites was to listen to Camille Saint-Saens’s Carnival of the Animals and move like the animals it depicts. So much fun!



Introduce Musical Instruments


Hands-on experience with musical instruments is a fantastic way to foster a love for music. Start with simple instruments like the rhythm instruments you can buy in a set for children. Then, move to a piano or keyboard, a recorder, or a xylophone. As your child's interest grows, you can progress to other instruments. Encourage regular practice and consider enrolling them in music lessons if they show an inclination.



Attend Concerts and Performances


Experiencing music live can be a transformative experience. Check local listings for orchestra concerts (some are specifically programmed for children), rock and jazz performances, ballets with live orchestras, musical theatre performances, and top-notch worship events. Even small, free, local events can offer fantastic opportunities for your children to witness the magic of music in person.



Explore Music History and Theory


Take your homeschooling curriculum to the next level by incorporating music history and theory. Some composers have had extraordinary lives! Explore their stories, the evolution of different musical genres, and the science behind sound. The more you learn, the more you all will likely appreciate the magic of music. There are many resources and educational materials available for teaching these subjects.



Embrace Creativity


Encourage your children to compose their own music or write lyrics. Provide them with tools and resources to experiment with music production software, or simply give them access to recording devices to document their musical creations. Hold live family performances and encourage your children’s efforts with affirmation and celebration. This hands-on experience can ignite their creativity and passion for music.



Join a Choir or Music Group


Participating in a choir, band, or music group can be an enriching social experience for homeschooling children. It allows them to collaborate with peers and develop their musical skills in a supportive environment. Many communities have homeschool-specific music groups that offer a welcoming atmosphere for young musicians. But think outside the homeschool box as well! These groups can be a great way to engage with your community, meet people outside your regular circle, and connect with others who share your children’s interests.


An image of a girl with long hair wearing a dress, seated and playing a ukulele

Make Music Part of Everyday Life


Integrate music into your daily routine. Use songs to make learning fun and more memorable, create custom playlists for different activities, seasons, and occasions, and incorporate music into art, literature, and history lessons. The more naturally music becomes part of your child's life, the deeper their love for it will grow.



Nurturing a love for music in homeschooling families can bring joy, creativity, and enrichment to your child's life. By creating a musical environment, encouraging active listening, providing hands-on experience, and exploring music history and theory, you can help your children develop a deep and lasting appreciation for the world of music. So, turn up the volume and enjoy this musical adventure together!


Xo,

Christie

It's certainly a tough challenge for moms - juggling all the duties of life and parenting without letting the vitally important but non-urgent things trickle to the bottom of the priority list. Unfortunately, those things that can get lost in the shuffle include listening to and truly connecting with our children. It can often seem somewhat easy to fake it by sending signals that we’re listening, even though our eyes and mind are really elsewhere, but does this really work? It turns out that listening and heart-to-heart connection are vital for both relationship building and discipleship, so it’s worth fighting through the daily slog to set them at the top of the priority list – even above some of the urgent things.



A mom and daughter check out vegetables at a farmers' market

Let's dive into some strategies for doing this.



Prioritize Quality Time


A crucial strategy for being present is to know the individual preferences of your children when it comes to connection and to make time for those things to happen. It may be sharing stories, cooking together, sharing a cup of tea, playing a game, taking a walk, kicking a soccer ball, engaging in meaningful conversations, or any number of other things. Knowing that it’s not a one-size-fits-all kind of thing and meeting each of your children regularly in their preferred place will help you make space for relating with open hearts, building trust and strengthening bonds with your children.



Embrace Daily Spiritual Practices


Guiding the spiritual formation of her children is a parent's great privilege. Enjoying daily spiritual rhythms with your children not only helps them establish habits that will serve them well in the future but also provides a connection point for you to openly share joys and struggles in your faith. This sharing fosters a deep and vulnerable connection founded on the most important thing you have in common – a love for Christ.


Read from a good storybook Bible, pray and sing together, discuss the teachings of Jesus, and share how to live out the truth you’re learning from Scripture. These moments of reflection will help your children grow in their faith and character and allow you to support and encourage them in their faith journey.



Listen Actively


Whenever possible – and especially when your child is sharing something from the heart - listen actively. This includes eye contact, clarifying questions, responses, and affirmation. When your child shares thoughts, concerns, or questions, give her your undivided attention. Listen without judgment, and you’ll create a safe space for your children to open up, fostering trust and healthy communication.



Set Your Own Boundaries with Devices


Our children are not the only ones who can benefit from restrictions on their screen time. We carry the ultimate distraction in our pockets all day long every day. Think about and decide how much time you want to give to scrolling and when you want to do that. Honor your children by reserving down-time with devices for certain times and places and not allowing them to interfere with your opportunities to connect with them.



Set Boundaries with Love


As a Christian parent, it's important to set boundaries rooted in love. Clearly communicate your expectations and rules, always explaining the "why" behind them. This approach helps your children understand the importance of following guidelines while feeling loved and supported. As they get older, engage them in determining what boundaries are appropriate so that the household rules are not just something imposed on them, but something they have ownership of.



Be a Role Model


Children often learn more from what they see rather than what they hear. As a Christian parent, strive to be a role model by living out your faith daily with your children. Demonstrate love, kindness, patience, and forgiveness, reflecting the values of Christ in your actions and interactions. When you have a chance to live out Scriptural truth, include your children where you can and talk to them about the God-honoring choices you make. Bring them along as you walk with Jesus.


Image of a mom and daughter with matching aprons in the kitchen, hugging and the text "Christian Parenting Tips: How to Be  a Mom Who Is Present"

Pray for Your Children


I know of no more powerful tool in Christian parenting than prayer. Regularly pray for your children's well-being, their faith journey, and their character development. Let them know that you pray for them, and regularly ask if there is anything they'd like you to pray for. And don’t just pray for them but with them!



Support Their Passions


Each child is unique with his or her own interests and passions. As a present mom, support your children's talents and interests, even if they differ from your own. Encourage and equip them to pursue their interests and develop their skills. These may well become the very things that allow them the privilege of working for the Kingdom of God in a unique and valuable way!



Being a present mom in the context of Christian parenting involves more than just meeting the physical and emotional needs of your children. It means nurturing their faith, character, and well-being while fostering a deep connection with Christ and with you. By following these parenting tips, you can navigate the challenges and joys of motherhood while strengthening your family's spiritual foundation. Remember, as you strive to be a present mom, you're shaping the future of your children and the world they will one day influence with their faith and love.



Xo,

Christie


P.S. - For more ideas on really connecting with your child, check out this post!

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